In the Faces of Friends

The path of love

Is a most challenging one

For many,

An elusive road 

Taken by the heart

Which understands

That love is not gooey

Or dripping with smiles & hugs

Nor is it the utterance

Of countless soft words 

Love is a force 

A powerful kindness

That moves gracefully

And silently offers

A trust without fear

An expression of vulnerability

That evaporates fear

And engenders respect

Love is force

That assures peace

And promotes well-being

As it ignites responsibility

When we look into 

The faces of friends

Celebrating D.O.G.

With wiggles and bounces

Prances and pounces

You tumbled and bounded

Romped and galloped

Into my life

Into my home

And into my heart

And what happened next?

With each day spent together

I discovered a love

Like no other

With my trusted friend

My trusted companion

My dog

Together we shared

Weekend naps

And daily snuggles

Fetching and catching

And endless hours freely running

Uninhibitedly leaping

Dashing and chasing

And joyfully darting

With you

The day comes 

When Your muzzle is gray

And your twinkle

Is muted

My only regret

Is our time together

Is not near enough

Sunrise Alchemy

Creating

Making the day

An imaginative expression

Fashioned from your life’s clay 

And artful tools

You shape the momentum

Into possibility and passion

And glide into definition

The creation of this

Extraordinary day

Be

Ever here

Always present

Flowing and creating

Not prescribing nor ceaseless striving

But evolving and transforming

Into being

And existing

One with the rhythm

And motion of life

See

Can you see

The sunlight veiled in the mist?

Under cover as a shadow

Masquersding as a cloud

Can you see

The rays beckoning you

to their dance?

Hold on

...and when you've

Forgotten how to smile

Hold on

Until you meet

The beginning

Of a new day

My Perfect Vanilla (the beginning)

Arrival

Look at this room I said whispering to myself in thought more than words as I asorbed the room I found myself in. I first took in the colors. They were vibrant and varied, but I couldn't remember if I had seen those colors before. My memory felt oddly faded having been replaced by these new hues which appeared richer, deeper, brighter, and more real than anything I had experienced before. 

The colors blended together flawlessy. They were perfect - unusual though they were. Beautiful colors. Ones I had no name for. As an artist, I thought I knew color, but this room was painted with an unfamiliar pallette that drew upon a different kind of light. 

The room emitted the comforting sensation of being immersed in a vanilla cloud, or how I imagined one would feel - warm and cozy, airy and fluffy. With that realization, a powdery soft breeze touched my skin and drew my attention to the window which I hadn't noticed before. As I gazed through the window, I became transfixed by the glorious sunshiny day outside. 

The sun was beaming down a deep and penetrating warmth contained in thick honeyed rays that could cast out shadows. It's warmth melted into obscurity all hardship, all struggle, and all fear. I felt at peace.

Doorway

I had instinctively closed my eyes to allow the soothing calm to more completely drift inward and through me like a soft breeze. Just then, my senses were diverted to a rich scent of bakery dough mixed with sugery vanilla with a trace of nutmeg and perhaps cinnamon. The scent was beginning to overtake the room. I found the aroma so intoxicating that I had become lightheaded and momentarily lost my footing. I moved to rebalance myself while opening my eyes and suddenly perceived an outline of a woman entering the room through an enchanted doorway. 

She moved fluidly and almost formlessly through the doorway. I blinked my eyes a few times to enhance my vision and watched as she manifested more fully and clearly into an image of a woman who was timeless in her appearance. In one instant, she looked like a playful child, and the next, elderly and wise. She shone with the same strange innate light that eminated from the inside out throughout this place.

She glanced at me, but immediately turned her gaze to the oven which seemed to have arrived at the same time she did. In fact, the entire room had transformed into a cozy kitchen that blended colorful modern convenience with rustic charm. She reached for the pot holders that were resting on the counter and handed them to me. She asked me what I thought was baking in the oven. "They smell like vanilla sugar cookies." I replied. I opened the oven door to check and spied a tray of the most mouth-watering confections that I could ever remember smelling. The tempting, disks were in fact vanilla sugar cookies but a level beyond anything I had known. 

"They're best if you eat them warm." she said. Could you put them on that plate and bring them to the table?" I agreed all the while anticipating the taste of these heavenly smelling treats. 

Cookies

I placed the cookies in the center of the table followed by two small plates - one for each of us. She brought the tea pot, cups and sugar and we sat down. As she poured the tea into my cup, she said, "Well, dig in."

I took the closest cookie on the plate and carefully bit into it. It was warm and sweet, but not too sweet. It crumbled delicately in my mouth releasing a rich, delicious, creamy vanilla flavor. Beyond the vanilla was a hint of spice that blended together just the right proportion cinnamon and nutmeg. The spices added the perfect enhancement to the most delicious cookie I've ever experienced. 

"These cookies are amazing," I commented holding up the remnants. That's the best I could do to explain their unearthly goodness because there was no vocabulary to capture the depth of flavor. She smiled and nodded in acknowledgement and reached out her hand, "My name is Liriel." I shook her hand and before I could state my name, she continued,"Welcome, Deana. You've been invited here to explore your purpose, and I'm here to guide you. but before we get started, you must have a million questions. Fire when ready."

I found it a little odd that at that moment, I had no pressing questions and no overwhelming curiosity. This wondrous place existed beyond imagination. It was beyond comprehension, for that matter, with it's other wordly colors, smells, and tastes which alone should lend itself to a plethora of questions. However, I realized I had nothing to ask because everything felt as it should despite being extroidinary. Although I didn't yet know where I was, It seemed I belonged there; and, for the first time in recent memory, was content to simply sit, sip tea and savor cookies.

Balance in Toubled Times

The rate of change these days is dizzying.

I don’t know about you, but I find I need to pause

more often to retreat, heal and gather my thoughts

and strength.

What’s going on?

Well, what’s not going on? It appears all aspects of the world I once knew are in flux.

Emotions are high. The themes of tribalism, hate and intolerance are regularly spewing

and reverberating through the numerous biways of news and social media. The climate

is becoming increasingly more unpredictable and extreme, and critical social institutions

are in crisis. It’s a lot, and it’s exhausting. Some people are coping by reverting to the

past, blaming, lashing out, or trying to exert control as a way to prevent or perhaps

master the inevitable momentum of change; but one thing I know for certain is no one

can stop the momentum anymore than they can stop the tide from coming in.

Striving for  Balance

I have been struggling to stay balanced these days, and I don't think I'm alone. I think 

we are all sensing a wild ride is yet ahead with much work to be done to address and

affect positive change. We also know these times require us to be strong and our best

versions of ourselves, and that’s not easy to maintain. Part of the problem is we’ve

entered these unprecedented times already overtaxed. The majority of us not in the

top 1% have been working demanding hours, or more than one job, often without

vacations to simply stay afloat. These unprecedented times have amplified and laid

bare this and other toxic challenges affecting us. I’m hopeful this will result in needed

systemic changes, but this will not happen overnight. In the interim, we need to

remember to take care of ourselves, our health and our well-being in the midst of

today's turmoil.

Here are some tips I'm trying to implement in my own life that might be helpful for anyone

else struggling to maintain balance in these troubled times.

1. Focus on your health

Stress robs us of our health and well being. In these unprecedented times we need to

pay special attention to the basics:

a. Healthy food: Avoid overly heavy foods, and include lots of fruit and vegetables

of different colors and textures including leafy greens.

b. Hydration: At a minimum, drink 4 glasses (or more) of water and other fluids that

don't contain caffeine or alcohol daily. Caffeine and alcohol are dehydrating - and if

you're like me, they will also interfere with your sleep. I'm not saying don't drink coffee

or alcohol, just know they don't support hydration.

c. Sufficient rest: Sleep needs vary from person to person, but 6 - 9 hours per night

applies to most people. Get the range of sleep that allows you to function well 

and provides you with sufficient energy to function optimally throughout the day.

d. Excercise 2 - 3 times a week:You don't have to go crazy unless that suites you.

Two good exercises that help me with

stress are brisk walking and yoga, but anything that gets you moving for at least

20 minutes is good. I prefer something fun like dancing or hiking. Exercise is one of the

best natural anti-depressants around and has the ability to reduce symptoms of stress

and fatigue.

2. Find your tribe

Find and include people and places where you feel you can be you, where you can be

uplifted, where you can refill your reservoir and help others refill theirs. This can be

anything such as a volunteer community, a dance or martial arts class, a language

practice group - anything really - Anything that replenishes your spirit and brings

some joy and meaning to your life.

3. Disconnect

Disengage from social media, news and gloom and doom friends. A steady stream of

negativity colors your outlook for the worse. By disconnecting, you live more in the

now and free from overly negative influences. You can more easily choose which

emotions to foster and experience that aren't consistently rooted in fear.

4. Spread more kindness

You can never go wrong adding more kindness to a world experiencing a deficit. I

firmly believe a critical component of healing a battered world involves more kindness

and more compassion. The harder, bullying tactics we've been witnessing of late

trigger fight or flight impulses. Being primitive survival responses, they eclipse

other more thoughtful and respectful responses. Kindness and compassion transcend

primitive reactivity and, well, make the world a better place.

5. Reorganize priorities

You will need take more breaks. Ours is a wonderful, but currently frightened and

troubled world in the midst of great changes. It will be necessary to retreat and gather

your strength and regain your perspective. If you've been putting in 50 hour work

weeks, maybe it's time to consider cutting back to 45 hours if you can. Trading time

for money in these times could add immeasurable benefit to your well being. I also

recommend prioritizing spending additional time with who and what you love most.

You will need to replenish yourself before going out and aiding a world also in need

of healing. 

When we shift to a healthier mindset with priorities more reflective of who we are, it's

my belief that we start affecting change on a larger scale.

The greater the numbers of us

engaging in healthier practices - the greater the promise of a

healthier world.

Ode to Coffee

You are the reason 

For clear-minded thinking

On comatose mornings 

Feeling groggy and numb

I position my ass upright 

Shuffle zombie-like forward

To the kitchen I’m headed

For my infusion of life

Your aroma wafts hope

From the cup to my mouth

Thought and motion soon will be faster

Than a three-toed sloth

Two Minutes of Joy

Take two minutes for joy. Just two minutes can make up hours of everything that has not been joyful. Besides lowering anxiety, improving your heart, and bolstering your immune system. Joy just plain feels good. It enlivens body and spirit from the core.

In these two minutes you will feel tension releasing from your face and body, the worries that you were immersed in just a moment ago begin to fade into a soft warmth provided from attending to your innate, undeniable need for joy. 

As the stress and anxiety lessen, you will replace the taut expression of stress with a soft smile forming from the inside out.

Experiencing two uninterrupted minutes of joy as often as possible is a tool in the toolkit of life especially in the face of a world struggling with a severe joy deficit. 

Engage in whatever fills your heart with a pure sense of joy. Give it your whole focus. Activites without a purpose or a goal are often the ones that bring the most joy. 

And then share it.

Draw it!

Soak in it!

...and be the joy!

Unseen Tears

Leave it at home

They tell me

Leave it at home

For the problems of this morning

Conflict with progress of the day

And learning is not done

When my mind is far away

Worries of the future

And problems from the past

Must be locked away inside myself

Hidden by this mask

The pain inside must never ever show

For the truth is what they tell me at this learning place

I go

As an educator and as one of these kids myself, I want to remind people to listen to them even and especially when they are silent.

Infused with Love

The coin lay in a short glass jar, shrink wrapped with cardboard casing around to preserve it’s newness. The shiny coin caught my eye as I entered my father’s room, but I was on a mission and didn’t pause to look at the date or country of origin inscribed on its surface. Instead, I went toward the cabinet where his medications lay to double check a dosage.

I had been to the hospital to visit my 86 year old father suffering from a multitude of health problems with sepsis from a severe urinary tract infection being the most frightening. I didn’t think he was going to pull through. My father’s breathing was severely labored as well, and I told the internist my father took an asthma preventative. I once took it’s lowest dose as I, too, have suffered from asthma. I believed that minimal dose wouldn’t be adequate, but I was unsure if the higher dose I suggested was accurate.

As I headed toward the medicine drawer in my father’s room, my sister-in-law stood in the doorway. She tips the scale at around 400 pounds. That along with her crossed arms created an imposing image. Caroline’s goal was to intimidate me and monitor my every move with the assumption I did not belong in her house (as she put it) – the house I grew up in.  Nor did she believe I had any rights and privileges in the house I once came and went freely in - unchaperoned and trusted.

I had known my brother and his wife didn’t trust me alone in the house as my brother was also monitoring my visits in the computer room while I prepared my interview demos during a serious job hunt. It was a terrifying chapter in my life with thieving not even registering as a thought. Securing a job, on the other hand, took priority over almost all other matters. 

I was confused by this suspicion as I grew up in that house, visited as an adult. I frequently borrowed the computer and printer for my assignments while pursuing an earlier degree without the need for a chaperone ever; but then, my sister-in-law wasn’t in the picture. 

My brother knows my character, I thought. What is this about? Why is he treating me like a common thief; OR what are THEY hiding that they are guarding? Between job hunting and my father’s health, these questions had to wait.

I slid the asthma medication into my coat pocket in a brief, unmonitored moment. The only way to learn the dose was to remove the medication from his room like the very thief I was being accused of being to check the dose later when free from my sister-in-law’s gaze and judgment.

As I prepared to push my 140 pound self through the 400 pound wall blocking the only exit, I again spied the shiny coin. It glinted a wink of light in my direction. Caroline caught my gaze and also looked at the coin. I imagined she wanted to spin an unfavorable tale about that as well. 

What she didn’t know was my father started me collecting coins years ago. He brought me coins from the different countries he traveled to for his work. I saved them, and started a dedicated hobby that continued for several years. I had a natural curiosity, as a result. 

I took the medicine with me to the hospital. As it turned out, my father had been prescribed the lowest dose although I wondered why. I told the internist the correct dosage indicated on the inhaler and returned the medication to my brother at a later time.  

Disappeared 

My father battled the sepsis with success and returned home from the hospital in a week’s time. He was still weakened and sick, but no longer had skin sporting a bluish-white pallor. He was healing. 

I visited my father with some regularity during that time. During one visit, he asked me if I had seen the coin in the jar near the doorway. I said I hadn’t had a chance to look closely at it, but that I had noticed it. Curious about his question, I stood up and looked into the jar. It was gone. The coin was gone. I looked all around, and it just wasn't there. Just then, it hit me what had happened.

I honestly replied, “I don’t know where the coin is.” He was silent for a moment, and then told me it was from the Philippines, but wasn’t worth much. That sounded like he was telling me the coin was worthless, so I wasted my time stealing it which is absolutely not what happened. 

I was shocked. She set me up. My sister-in-law had stolen the coin in order to set me up. What was worse is my father took her word over mine. AND, worse yet, he believed I stole from him.

Infusion

Caroline had taken over my mom’s bedroom after she passed away. Stacks of junk as tall as I am surrounded a chair and computer where she spent much of her time. Caroline is a hoarder and collects dollar store items which transform into mountains even her large frame is eclipsed by.

She stashed the coin away where she had piled all my mom’s beloved photos and mementos of me and my brothers when we were young into a thoughtless collection juxtaposed a pile of old shoes. It broke my heart that all Mom’s devotion was reduced to a chaotic hill that meant as much to my sister-in-law as her old shoes. The coin by chance was placed under a very special photo of my mom hugging me at my high school graduation.  

Love

My mom and I had a powerful bond. She loved me with her whole heart, and she was the brightest light in my life. That photo was somehow became infused with that same love.

The coin was touched by the warmth and devotion captured in a moment on film. As a result, it came alive with the purpose of reverting a terrible injustice. Slowly, yet with the strength of truth and the impenetrable bond my mom and I shared, the coin rose up to the top of the junk mountain.

As my father was making his way back from the bathroom late one evening, he was overtaken by a feeling of love radiating from my mom's old room. It was as if she were right there beaming at him. He looked toward the source of the love and spotted a glint of light beckoning him over. It was a coin. THE coin. The very coin Caroline had accused me of stealing.

It was then he remembered what kind of person I was before the lies and accusations flowed from my sister -in -law's greedy and jealous mouth - The goodness I represented that he once believed in, and the truth I had never stolen from him before. It was the love infused in the coin that showed him the way back to me, the daughter he once knew. 

Changes

I now have all my mom’s pictures and mementos previously in a heap by my sister-in-law's shoes. They reside in my home where they can be appreciated and continue to bring a most special warmth and comfort to my life.

I would like to say there was a fairy tale ending for my father and myself, but he offered at least to listen to me and engage in honest dialog toward the goal of healing.

The coin is now encased in a frame along with the photograph of my mom and I in an embrace. Its home is on my father’s night table as a reminder of the two women in his life whose love spoke the truth until the time it will rest on my mantle.

My sister-in-law, well - I know she lacks the confidence to get what she wants on her own, but I understood my brother became frustrated with funding her hoarding. She is now working part-time to help. Most importantly, she doesn't dare degrade me - at least not openly. I am even hopeful she will get the therapeutic help she needs to address the insecurities that drove her to create great suffering for me. 

And me….This is the first time I have truly felt respected and understood by my family since my mom died. It had been an impossible situation where my value had been negated and my voice silenced, that is, until the magic of the coin, and the power of love prevailed.